


Definition

by DragonThistle



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Not What He Seems spoilers, vague thoughts-y fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-01
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2018-03-20 19:27:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3662160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonThistle/pseuds/DragonThistle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>trust [noun]; firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something</p>
            </blockquote>





	Definition

I know the definition of trust.

I don’t even need to look it up in the dictionary. I don’t need to look up a lot in the dictionary, I’m smarter than that. Apparently not smart enough though.

There are a lot of definitions of the word trust but the one I’m thinking of goes something like this:

_trust [noun]; firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something_

Trust someone.

Trust no one.

Should have listened. Should have listened to those words. 

Because now we’re knee deep in who-knows-what. Knee deep in the apocalypse, staring down the end of the world. All from this machine, all because of _him_.

We trusted you.

_I_ trusted you.

You said you believed in me. In your own way, you said you believed in me. I trusted you. And you’re throwing it back in my face. Just like everyone else.

You pick up a few things in this town.

I should be scared but I’m not. I’m not scared I’m just _angry_. White-hot, bright red anger and it boils in my stomach like magma and makes my skin feel tight and hot. I’m angry that you lied, I’m angry that you kept secrets, I’m angry that you’re doing this. I’m angry because you turned her against me.

_“Can’t you trust me?”_

I did. I did trust you. I did, I did, I did!

But you keep saying these things. You keep being hopeful. You keep saying it’s a misunderstanding when _it’s not_. The proof is right here, it’s right in front of us and you _won’t listen_! Just like everyone else in this town, just like everyone else at home, just like our parents, just like our classmates!

NO ONE EVER LISTENS TO ME!

All I want is someone to listen.

All I want is someone to believe (in) me.

All I want is to trust someone.

It’s not you. It’s not him. It’s not her. It’s not anyone. I think the only person I can really trust is me.

The machine is too bright, too loud, too much. It feels too big, much too big. Far bigger than us—than me. I want it to stop, it has to stop. All of this has to stop. I’m tired. I’m tired and I’m angry and I remember

_“How many times have you sacrificed for her, huh? And when has she ever returned the favor?”_

_“This town will eat you alive!”_

_“You’re my puppet now!”_

bad things, bad memories, things I’d rather forget but can’t. I won’t. I’m stronger now. I’ll stop this. I have to. I’m the only one who can.

But I can’t.

It’s going wrong. I’m watching it fall apart, slipping through my fingers like sand. Nothing’s working. Everything I try goes wrong. It’s not fair. I try and I try and I’m so _angry_. No control. I have no control, I can’t do anything except watch.

It hurts to yell. I’m tired. It’s like a weight on my back. I keep screaming. Please, please, please listen to me for once. Please! We have to stop this! We’re going to die! Please, Mabel, for once, please, listen!

She doesn’t. Of course she doesn’t. She

_has never returned the favor_

has such a big heart. She wants to see the good in everyone. I can’t. I won’t. I know better.

And I’m angry.

It’s just anger now. Boiling over. Fire. Heat. Almost hatred. How could she do that!? Why!?

This is the end.

I don’t want it to matter.

It does.

Figures.

It stings just like every other barb, bite, bully, beating, tease, mockery. Everything that’s ever been done to me, every time I was knocked down, laughed at, scorned. Scars are somewhere. So angry. Never been this angry, not about anything.

_“Can’t you trust me?”_

_“Trust me, kid.”_

Trust someone

Trust no one.

I’m angry.

The universe splinters.

It rips the air from my lungs, it tilts the world upside down, it shreds my skin, splinters my bones, and forgets someone called Dipper Pines ever existed at all.

I’m choking.

Anger still hot in my stomach. I wish I could spit it out like poison. There’s a bad taste in my mouth.

At least the ground is solid.

The machine—the portal—spits and hisses sparks and electricity. I wish I could. We’re not dead but I’m so battered and angry and tired. I’ve been tired ever since—

Better not to think about it.

There’s a shadow.

Six fingers.

The Journal—my Journal, I’ve claimed it, mine, mine, put it down, mine—in a pocket.

He says it’s the author.

Lying, liar, he has to be, all he does is _lie_. Anger hissing steam between my teeth even as I gape in shock.

“My brother.”

And then, with all the bruises and the scrapes and the bubbling anger and the upside down world, with all the pain and the exhaustion and the nightmares gnawing at the back of my mind. With all of this I realize he’s been scared. This was why he lied, this is why he didn’t tell us the truth.

His _brother_.

_“How many times have you sacrificed for her?”_

Everything’s gone wrong and it’s his fault

His fault.

And I can’t hate him.


End file.
